Go Directly To Jail, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Cut Off Your Leg

A man who was under house arrest, wearing an electronic monitoring bracelet while awaiting trial on child sex charges, tried to saw off his own leg.

Days before he was due to appear in court on charges of rape and engaging children in sexually explicit conduct, Jerry Scholes sawed down to the bone of his right calf, just above the point where he had been fitted with an electronic tracking anklet, Detective Sergeant Doroteo Delacruz said.

“The speculation is he was trying to escape.”

Pure genius. Ya gotta give the man some credit for trying. Maybe he should have started sawing higher up than the calf, like, maybe at the neck.

 ”He has not given an exact reason for why he did it, except maybe to his clergyman or doctor,” Det-Sgt Delacruz said, adding that emergency medical staff found Scholes with “plastic zip ties on various parts of his body, including, I’m told, his penis.”

It’s extremely important to stop the blood flow in a situation like this. This man must have had some first aid training. Like maybe as a Boy Scout. Or when he was a Boy Scout Leader.

But his Boy Scout days are over. He was sentenced to 50 years in jail.

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